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How Likely Characters From My Recent Reads Are to Be Eaten by Lions

I’ve adopted a cat.

Well. Actually. It’s a lion. More like a picture of a lion?? On the internet. But still, I have adopted a cat. To some extent at least. His name is Sparky and he likes eating plums and main characters for breakfast.

I was planning on posting an arc review today, but um, obviously that did not happen. Instead I will be determining whether or not the main characters from my most recent reads would survive against my new pet cat (read: lion).

I’m continuing my legacy of animals on the blog as well as ignoring real life responsibilties. Truly the best combination. Let’s hop right in.

Anne from Anne of Green Gablessorry you’re lion chow

Anne is basically the definition of lion bait. The girl is basically a walking come eat me sign. You know, with her red hair and allergy to shutting up. Can’t see her surviving, sorry. 

Nora the Girls I’ve Been… the lion should fear her

Ok so this girl is capable. She is really quick on her feet and generally a badass. I have no doubt that she could whip up a quick scheme sandwich to avoid getting eaten by the lions. 

In the battle with the lion, I can see two options:

  1. Nora disguises herself as a lion with a really convincing wig and they become bffs. They chill in the jungle eating bugs or whatever lions do. 
  2. Nora arm wrestles the lion. And wins. Obviously. 

Marty from As Far As You’ll Take Me… depends on the lion’s musical taste

Ok sooo is it just me or do lions strike you as trumpet fans?? Like lion’s definitely aren’t into the strings (their claws would stred the strings). And woodwinds? Why make a weak shrill noise with an insurement when you could get the All Jungleian Roar. Through process of musical elmination, I feel like that makes them trumpet fans. Don’t ask me why, it just makes sense. 

So if Marty pulls out his oboe he either pisses the lion off and Marty becomes dinner OR the lion runs off in a fit of fury because oboes are annoying and sound like dying geese. I’ll give Marty a 50/50 shot at survival. 

Tori from Solitaire… is a cat person

Tori is a cat person, therefore would not be eaten by a lion. 

Voya from Blood Like Magic… *panic*

Voya wouldn’t know what to do so she would just stand there in indecision and let the lion eat her. 

I honestly think that if I were a main character, I too would be lion chow. But it was fun while it lasted. Anyway. That’s it for todays post. Lions *said with jazz hands*

Do you think you could face a lion and survive?? What about the characters from your most recent reads??

30 thoughts on “How Likely Characters From My Recent Reads Are to Be Eaten by Lions

  1. I think I would be lion chow too….and most of the characters form my recent reads as well, even though I can’t recall a single name right now.

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  2. Love the mini zoo you are aiming to creat on your blog haha!!
    I would…umm…try to run…but I am sure I wouldn’t survive a lion for more than 2.347 seconds (oopsie just wrote my math exam 10 minutes back so hungover)
    Roaar roar!! (Translates to: Have a lovely day!) (I should use lion speak more often)

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    1. thank you. creating this mini zoo is my higher purpose here in the blogosphere lol
      ha i love how specific that number is (oof, hope you can recover from that exam hangover swiftly)
      oh my god i’m dying rn ROAR ROAR RARRRRRRRR (which translates to thank you Rachel!! you’re lion is impeccable)

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  3. omg completely agree with nora – lmaoo i’m still in awe of her brain 😭 also idk if i would survive, i would probably go closer to take a picture, and forget my flash is on, accidentally blinding the lion, and then i would run for my life. love this post!!!! 💕

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