I Hope This Doesn’t Find You Review // subject: pls breathe babe

to: ihopethisdoesntfindyou@review.com Subject: pls breathe babe, i’m concerned rn It seems only fitting that this review is in email form — after all, “I Hope This Doesn’t Find You” was pitched as Lara Jean if she wrote hate emails instead of love letters.  And honestly, that's a pretty apt description of what goes down.  Sadie…

The Luis Ortega Survival Club Review // among the best 2023 releases

“To all the real-life Luis Ortegas of the world: I hope you fall dick first onto a cactus. I hope you choke on Cheetos dust. I hope every time it’s really hot at night and you flip your pillow to feel the cool side, I hope it’s hot on that side too. I hope your…

1989 (Taylor’s Version) Ranking (Cynic’s Version)

I’ll admit it: I’m a hater (who’s gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate). And there’s absolutely, positively, without-even-an-iota of a chance you can convince me to “Shake It Off.”   “1989” is a bottom-tier album. There. I said it.  I mean, there’s nothing uniquely Taylor Swift about it. The days of classic high school anthems…

Icebreaker // it’s a slippery slope ://

If you think about it, my winter break actually starts tomorrow.   Hear me out: it’s Saturday, right, so I’m basically through the week (ie it doesn’t count). I fly home two Tuesdays mornings from now, which makes that week less than a week, too. Plus, this weekend, I’m visiting one of my friends at her…

GUTS Ranking // Olivia Rodrigo’s sophomore album spills its guts (positive connotation)

Today I recieved a joyous text message: "made it!" Which ... without the proper context is actually meaningless lol. The context: my best friend was standing in front of the concert venue that we're going to see Olivia at over our spring break. There's a group of four of us going, which is a small…

I Kissed Shara Wheeler Review // stream of conscious thoughts from the vault (ie the notes app)

Love is described as a million things. Maybe it's an open door. Grasping for crumbs of a relationship but always separated by a wall. Or family feuds. Maybe it's burning red. Golden. A rose. Maybe it's fast, Shakespearian, like two passionate fire signs tumbling towards each other in an inevitable wildfire. Or maybe it's a…

The Borrow a Boyfriend Club Review // silly and goofy … like brown horses, apparently

“Hey, Carley,” I asked my roommate as my cursor blinked sadly on my blank Google Doc. “What’s something silly?” No context, with only slight hesitation and a Google photos search later, and we have our answer: “Brown horses.”  As soon as they popped up on the screen, she burst out laughing because — and I…

They Hate Each Other Review // no, but they really, really do hate each other

Are you tired of picking up an enemies-to-lovers romance only to find mild distaste towards the two MCs? Do you wish there were more contemporary books with the I-want-to-stab-you energy between the love interests? Are you just craving some old fashioned hate-fueled banter?  Well, for the low, low price of lining Jeff Bezo’s pockets with…

The Wicked Remain // bad hooks, fairytales and chaos

Though I have never been granted the unique privilege of watching an overgrown tarantula flail in the icy terrain in roller skates, the chaos that would ensue cannot be understated. Especially if you compare this remarkable juggling act to, say, the absolute chaos that is the plot in “The Wicked Remain.”  “The Wicked Remain” by…

You Don’t Have a Shot Review // goal!

A universal cornerstone of suburbia is the mandated soccer phase. Practices are simple: run around in a circle with shin guards and try to play a hodgepodge game of de-pin the tail on the donkey. Except the tails are soccer socks. And the kids are donkeys. Running in a circle. For sports! From there, the…